Friday the 13th (ridiculously ironic) was one of the most difficult days I think I´ve had here. It may have just felt like that in the moment. But it was. This whole week was just full of walking....and walking...and putting forth every drop of effort to recieve....nothing. Then after a week of that friday rolled around and after a frustrating lunch with a member and trying to figure out a map for our sector (don´t even ask) I thought after so many downs, God would give us a really good lesson with some investegators that we were going to visit who were AWESOME. Like chosen, searching for the truth awesome. Because that always happens, after the bad, comes the good. So we went and lo and behold, the dad comes out with his book of mormon saying they aren´t prepared and don´t want to continue more. I turned away kind of in denial and shock and then within 5 minutes I started crying as we are talking to a woman at her door and then I just sat down on a swing and the water works came out. I just didn´t understand why it was so hard. And i was SO so so tired. It all just came crushing down. I think the only word to descibe would be hopeless. It just felt like there was no way out and even when this day was over, more bad things were just going to happen. I´m sure at one point in our lives, we´ve all felt a little like that. My heart just felt so heavy and worn completely out. But our loving heavenly father, in my lowest of lows sent gaurdian angels in a time when i needed it most. A time where i felt tired of being the hope and help that evryone else needed. The messenger needed the message...my companion sat down with me and we rested and instead of a scripture, read me the quote from Lord of the Rings when Frodo just can´t anymore and sam is there to say that there is still good in the world. When i calmed down enough to stand up and go get something to eat, a man in the store was super friendly with us and bought me a little chocolate. As we walked to our totally destroyed plans we found a couple that thanked us for our service and told us how brave we were and how impressed they were with all the hard work we were doing. And finally another contact saw us and started talking to us about his life. He´s lived in Jersey for 5 years and spoke to us in his broken chilean-jersey english about christ. And in a random street in the south of chile, i was given peace. he talked about how christ will never lave us even if we leave him, how christ is there even in the darkest of times. Even when we can´t see it. He is there. He is hope. I was almost moved to tears with the simplicity of his words. And as we turned away to go home, I´ll admit that i didn´t feel a sudden surge of energy nor a flodding burning feeling of happiness. My heart still felt heavy and exhausted. But i felt peace. And gratitude that my heavenly father sen angels to his missionary that is always sent to everyone else. I was amazing at the love and how involved our heavenly father is in every detail of our lives. And i´ll admit that even after 8 hours of sleep, the next day was still hard and a few tears were still shed. But little by little, prayer by prayer, i was able to see more and more light. Feel more peace, more hope. It´s just so funny how god works sometimes. After so much bad i expected some miracle to chenge everything around. An amazing day where everyone lets us in and the sun shines and the choir sings. And He is totally capable of that. But it didn´t happen that way. He gave me small and simple seeds of hope, exercising my faith, and patience and humility and letting me figure it out. What i know is that GOD LOVES US. More than we can understand. That is why there is bad in the world and that is why there is good. It´s all from him. And we are progressing and learning and becoming things that we can´t imagine. That is why giving up isn´t an option. Like Sam says, I know Frodo that you can´t do this. But He can carry us. And there is always a little bit of light that´s worth fighting for.
I love you all and i´m doing really really good right now. Actually, we fasted with Marianela and she quit smoking! We´ve got only a few more complications but she should be getting baptized in a couple weeks. Thank you for all of your prayers. I love you so much and wish you all the best week ever!
Love,
Hermana Smoot
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